“You’re an abomination, an outrage against nature!”
It must be hard for the single moms of gay boys. They have no sex life to speak of. They work multiple jobs to make ends meet and their kids won’t stop going on about the impending unicorn invasion or about how Joanne Worley is their cafeteria lady and how she won’t let him eat macaroni and cheese. It’s exhausting.Eventually, these moms have to start tuning their gay kids out. Some moms go so far as to send their little gay boys away, whether to private school or to one of those Jesus Camps in hopes that the gay might dissipate in time. Child’s Play (1988) validates these concerns. If you don’t send that little faggot packing, the next thing you know, your gay kid will be taking the L to Cabrini Green to blow up crack houses during show'n tell while you’re getting gang-banged by a crowd of vagrants in a Reaganville.
Catherine Hicks was a shopgirl. All her son, Andy, wanted is a doll for his birthday. Conveniently enough, the wacky back alley peddler who lived in the alleyway behind her shop had a special on talking dolls and she was able to make her son’s dreams come true as only a doting single mom could!
Andy proceeded to act out his model for a perfect relationship with his new doll, Chucky. They shared clothes, watched Rachel Maddow together; cuddled until they fell fast asleep. It was bliss. Then people started to die and everyone blamed Andy. Andy gay-panicked, fearing that it may be his relationship with Chucky that was causing people all this pain. This led to Andy renouncing his former life with Chucky, going so far as burning his former companion alive in the fireplace! (They always want to set us on fire.) By giving up his gay boyfriend, Andy's soul is clean. How rude.
Despite the gayest of intentions by out and about screenwriter, Don Mancini, Child’s Play functions as allegory for heterosexual conversion. Maybe Todd Holland, after having to suffer so many queers on the Fright Night set, was just tired of being liberal minded. Maybe he was trying to fight against an inherently campy premise by playing up the voodoo and Chicago beat cop angle. Luckily, Andy’s performance out-camps even John Water’s gayest expectations. Andy is one to hue to shades of naturalism in his choices, but he’s just so damned adorable! It’s impossible not to love this little pumpkin with his staggered phrasing, baby voice, and lady scream.
Thank God for us, Andy's story was far from over.
"Well, to come to terms with something he couldn't possibly understand, he turned it all into a kind of fairy tale."
No matter how Right-Wing-Evangelical-Backward this country may seem, social services doesn't take well to mothers who make their toddlers burn gay dolls in the living room in the name of being saved - even if they’re white. Accordingly, Catherine Hicks got carted away to the nuthouse and little Andy wound up in the hands of a foster family.Jenny Agutter from American Werewolf in London runs a halfway house for reformed homosexuals (her husband included) and, judging by the b-line that he makes for her collection of antique ceramic figurines, the gay-away definitely didn't stick on Andy. He isn't alone this time, Jenny’s also sheltering a spunky 26 year old Trans boy named Kyle. Being around all these queer people has Andy going back to his old habits and, within a couple of days, Andy is reunited with Chucky as if nothing terrible ever happened.
Like all abusive relationships, Andy can't quit Chucky, no matter how many dead adults lie in their wake. Luckily, Kyle is there to save the day this time - teaching Andy that he can be whoever he wants to be without his toxic relationship. God loves everyone just the same. If history taught us anything, it’s that the Trans community is always coming to save our asses despite how little we give them in return. Thanks for your service, Kyle.
Child's Play 2 (1990) is much better than Child's Play. It's tonier (aka: gay), more colorful (gay), the kills are more interesting, and it's able to be a much more concise in its satire of corporate marketing and blind consumerism (intellectualism = gay). I love the idea of two gay orphans going it alone like a prequel to Annie.