Monday, August 16, 2010

This used to be my playground...

"The only way to stop Jason is to return him to his original resting place where he drown in 1957, Crystal Lake - where his nightmare began."

Good morning!  I know many of you have been wondering where I've been this past week.  Shopping for leg warmers and scrunchies? Gallivanting at a gay horror convention in Prague?   Possibly reenacting scenes from The Silence of the Lambs at Clive Barker's house with my handheld tape recorder?  Well, let me tell you...

No Friday the 13th is complete without a trip back to my old east coast haunts - the pastoral stomping grounds that made me the Faggotyass that I'm so proud to be today.  It should go without saying that, back in New England, Jason Lives (1986).  I don't even know where to begin telling you all that I learned back home!

First of all: never deny yourself a mini-break.  Sometimes you have to go far away from washboard abs and facelifts to really put your feet up and exhale.

Whether you're on the East Coast of the West - in prison or on the beach, nothing pleases me more than to announce from every rooftop that mousse is back in the game and better than ever.  Don't be afraid to use it.  Use the whole can!

A weekend in a New England forest is the perfect place to catch up on your bookclub reading lists.

Just because you've been busy fashioning mason jar centerpieces in a log cabin all day, it doesn't mean you can't put on a subtle face and smolder.

Be careful of all that Dunkin Donuts coffee, they put a lot of cream and sugar in it without even asking about your diet.  Make sure you schedule extra cardiovascular workouts to burn it all off!

When leaving your hometown for the life you've made yourself so many miles away, always make a grand exit.

And wait an hour after eating before swimming in the lake!


  1. Such valuable lessons - and I love the little moppet with her knowing grin and her Proust book...If I ever breed, I want a young'un like that there.

  2. I thought Jason was from New Jersey. No matter -- a man who can hold his breath for that long is an asset anywhere.

  3. you're correct, Jason's totally from Jersey - Boston, NYC, Jersey...they're all home to me :)