Thursday, August 7, 2014

skyrockets in flight...

Hi, dolls.  I took today off my previously scheduled unemployment napping to pour some of the floor for Marilyn Burns.  How are you doing?  

I, for one, don’t go for summertime.  Fuck sunburns and trying to cover up my love handles.  Give me autumn!  Give me sweaters and hayrides and cider donuts!  Yesterday I was bumming around the mall and the Goddess heard my prayer – Hallmark has their Halloween goods out already.   Praise her!

The best business (aside from a witch doll just COVERED in black glitter) was their selection of the new, 2014 Yankee Candle autumn flavors – Harvest and the newly improved Pumpkin Spice rank just above their Pumpkin Apple and Pumpkin Buttercream.  Run don’t walk!

So, I’m sitting here with the shades drawn – contemplating leaving the house for a run or going to the gym – while this Halloween candle stares at me.  Taunting me.   How do we ever get through these two months to Halloween season?  Do I just hibernate until October? Oprah finally started airing reruns of her talk show on OWN and I'm starting to feel like myself again.  
You know what I think we need?   
We need a FaggotyAss Movie Club to get us through these Dog Days of Summer.  

Since it's still August and humid and seeing as I'm currently funemloyed for the first time in my young queer life, there's no better movie to get us started than the smutty French thriller, Stranger by the Lake.

"Bonjour. Croissants.  Fromage.  French fries!"

Stranger by the Lake is about exactly what I'm going through right now.  Franck is funemployed and it's summer so he goes off to swim in a magic lake that only gay people know about.  They're all French so everyone is naked and uncircumcised and they all have adorable sneakers.  We know that Franck is our final girl because he shaves his testicles and he talks to the dumpy old man who sits all by himself.  See, I don't like strangers.  I'd love to go to this magical lake, but the minute I was expected to socialize, forget it.  Not to mention, they keep referencing some sea monster that lives in the water.  Come to think of it, the sun is bad news - as much as I like sun-kissed highlights, it's not worth looking like a handbag (Luke Evans) and the last time I went on a hike, there was this HUGE rattlesnake.  Oh God.  Even thinking about it makes me shake.  Haven't I been through enough?!

Back to the film (the fact that Stranger by the Lake is French demands we call it a film and not a movie)...

One afternoon, while creeping behind some bushes, Franck witnesses gay on gay murder!  MURDER!  Like any red-blooded bottom, this only makes him desperately attracted to the killer.  He proceeds to spend the entire summer chasing homicidal dick all around that lake like a damned fool.  You know what?  Good for him.  Live.

This movie is great.  Timeless.  A midsummer night's dream.  Stranger by the Lake sets out to examine how our dicks usually wind up winning over our intellects.  This is especially relevant now with everyone treating PREP like a panacea and using Grindr free of consequence, it may as well be 1981 all over again.  You know what they say about history, dolls.

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