Before she reigned supreme as the Queen of Television, Joan Collins was struggling. Down on her luck and married to Anthony Newley, Joan spent most of the 1970s selling timeshares South of the Florida Coast. Her days were spent schilling Swedish meatballs to white trash tourists who were inevitably more interested in a free boat ride than than they were in buying communal vacation property.
“Have you ever taken a good close look at what the ant is all about?”
Joan still made the most of a bad situation, using the experience as practice for interacting with aggressive Hollywood moguls and undignified starlets. These were the years where Joan was refining her signature style - layering turbans over her wig, full face, ostentatious earrings. You'd be hard-pressed to find a realtor more elegant.
There was this one trip where all her potential buyers were attacked and killed by giant, mutated ants.
"I'm still in charge here."
Let Empire of the Ants serve as a reminder that our best years are still to come. We will make it through August and live happily in Autumn. Speaking of...there are only two months to Halloween. Whether she's in Monaco or St Tropez, Joan Collins does not let the seasons interfere with her yachting schedule. Stock up on cottage cheese and celery, dolls, because it's time to start our regimes. I think I'll be a slutty real estate agent this year.