“You can’t live in the past, honey.”
There's a lot to be learned from Melissa's birthday misadventures. I, for one, won't let anybody feed me shish kebabs in front of a fireplace anymore because the chances are pretty good that they are a misandric, previously conjoined twin hellbent on revenge for some catty thing I did 20 years ago.
One day, he was having a birthday party and handed out these homemade invitations. They were prefect - covered in lace and glitter and feathers, folded to perfection. Well, in a daring display of homosexual contempt, I tore the invitation up in front of all the other kids in the class. This prompted waves of laughter in the gay boys' direction seldom seen since Carrie got her period in the shower.
I’m not proud of my actions that day and karma came back to bite me in the ass years later, but that’s basically what happened to Melissa Sue Anderson. Melissa threw a party and no one came but her alcoholic mother and she’s been waiting patiently for ten years to exact her revenge.
"I'm a rich woman now and I'm back to shove it in their faces!"
Happy Birthday to Me (1981) is St. Elmo’s Fire for the horror set. It follows the elitist “top ten” seniors of Joan Crawford Academy as they plan for the future, drink to good health, and get brutally massacred in the campiest fashion imaginable. Who doesn’t wish St Elmo’s had ended with Emilo Estevez getting his face mashed off by Andie McDowell on a speeding moped tire?!
This movie has it all: 1980s fashion, a genuine camaraderie between its characters, men in short shorts, female psychosis, emotionally and physically abusive mothers, racing cars, and a third act that flies off the rails and into the stratosphere! A lot of schlock came out during the horror craze of the early 1980s. While this movie may be ludicrous and campy, it’s capably made. The production design and photography are fantastic, as are the makeup effects and gore (albeit trimmed from its original cut to garner an R rating). Kevin Williamson owes someone a residual check for ripping off the Happy Birthday to Me dénouement in his Scream movie. The real joy comes from these actors having the time of their lives on camera and giving a lot more than what was on the page to every scene. Happy Birthday to Me is a delicious piece of cake with pretty pink icing, you should treat yourself!