This weekend, let's all pretend that Gary Marshall's Valentine's Day is a bait and switch remake of Happy Birthday to Me in which Sydney Bristow and Jessica Biel go on an estrogen fueled killing spree. They kill the shit out of people for ninety minutes, then they get drunk on red wine while Julia Roberts disembodied head lies watching over the empty place settings formerly reserved for everyone else on that god-forsaken poster. It's still a better movie than Shutter Island.
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