tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7769701058516558292012-02-02T10:15:36.204-08:00jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.comBlogger1481100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-20893463566556795462011-10-19T16:01:00.000-07:002011-10-19T18:42:03.355-07:00

 "What did you expect?" Look, I haven't been writing. Sorry. I think part of me died when people responded so negatively to Scream 4. Besides, try and name one good movie released this year. Go on...  Exactly!  Anyway, I'm inspired. Did you ever have one of those childhood besties - you know, the ones who go through all your major life moments with you?  You put on her face for Prom.  You

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-18051836368694054202011-10-19T08:38:00.000-07:002011-10-20T10:32:08.813-07:00

"You're pissed at everyone because you're gay." I have a complex relationship with Jeffrey Dahmer. I hold him personally responsible for robbing me of my best slut years. While the kids nowadays can go to any bar or club or theatre festival or grindr app to find someone gorgeous in high-waisted jeans and metallic frames, I stayed locked inside my room throughout early twenties – absolutely

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-11403804019291373312011-08-28T10:39:00.000-07:002011-10-19T08:40:47.634-07:00

I've been learning a lot from Lea Michele's twitter lately.  The most important thing? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. xoxo (At least we got this video of Dave Franco. )

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-265180293661205062011-08-04T09:20:00.000-07:002011-10-19T08:37:30.734-07:00

I watched about three minutes of the last Final Destination movie and hated it - the actors were smug - the effects were lame - it obviously hated gay people (one word: Nascar). Despite this incident and because of the efforts of FaggotyassAward nominated actress, Emma Bell, my feelings towards 5nal Destination have shifted.  After a particularly anemic summer, its' nice to have something to

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-65372454275600162582011-06-23T12:26:00.000-07:002011-06-23T12:26:34.863-07:00

Happy Gay Pride, dolls!  Remember to wear sunblock, stay hydrated, respect your elders and don't be racist. xoxo

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-8453860454075864402011-05-13T15:55:00.000-07:002011-06-18T23:29:34.780-07:00

“Please, don’t drink anymore!” Start doing your crunches, boys! It’s already time to start squeezing ourselves into our best cut-off shorts for those annual weekends at Camp Crystal Lake. In honor of this, the only Friday the 13th of 2011, I’m going to let you in on a special secret:  My favorite Jason movie is…. Friday the 13th, Part 7: The New Blood (1988). While by no means the best, The

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-38804575704698112152011-05-08T23:12:00.000-07:002011-05-08T23:12:33.134-07:00

.

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-34072999052584816362011-04-18T10:09:00.000-07:002011-04-19T11:13:06.105-07:00

"What am I supposed to go to college?  Grad school?  Work!?" Scream 4 (2011). The good. This movie is good. The bad. Nothing in the movie is bad.  Well nothing except for the god-awful presence of that dippy girl from the Friday Night Lights show who needs to stop being in movies.  Full stop. The Exquisite. (minor spoilers ahead) Going in, I think we all had our theories as to how a new

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-72997762660538057682011-04-04T09:59:00.000-07:002011-04-05T21:30:28.144-07:00

Insidious (2011) functions best if you pretend that it's a sequel to The Entity.  Just imagine that James Wan was making this cheapass movie somewhere out in the Valley only to have Barbara Hershey show up one day at the craft services table to decide that she wanted to be in it, systematically taking more and more lines from Rose Byrne and ingratiating herself to Leigh Whannel.  Good job,

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-35757812935426030812011-03-30T09:26:00.000-07:002011-04-05T21:32:13.453-07:00

“If you want to do that sort of thing, I suggest you go somewhere else.” Hi dolls. Look, I'm sorry I’ve been away for a while. Let's be honest.  There hasn't been a single movie worth discussing. Besides, I’ve been desperate to educate myself on the world beyond the westside of the 405 freeway. It has recently come to my attention that one must travel intercontinentally if one really wants to

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-58141091311976598892011-02-14T17:57:00.000-08:002011-10-20T11:56:45.853-07:00

"The luckiest man who walks on this Earth is the one who finds true love." Realizing the hypocrisy inherent to an organized religion that would have him kill hundreds in its name but refuse to grant his beloved access to Heaven, our protagonist tears into the altar like a Medieval Elizabeth Berkley. Screaming himself raw, he renounces God and vows to return from the grave to avenge his beloved’s

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-77712874319408112762011-01-30T21:01:00.000-08:002011-01-30T21:20:50.142-08:00

Welcome to the Second Annual FaggotyAssAwards!!! My team and I have been setting up all day for this and the red carpet glamour is positively infectious. Let's see who dropped in this year! America's favorite lesbian, Amber Heard! Lea Michele and her best gay (noticeably without his loser boyfriend)...  ...straight from Muir Island, Michael Fassbendover       ...and obviously no awards

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-16137499249941661922011-01-20T14:35:00.000-08:002011-01-23T22:29:07.746-08:00

How on earth have we not discussed the fact that Melissa Leo is in a horror movie about an evangelical family that bears an uncanny resemblance to the funeral crashing, "Sodomites Burn in Hell" sign carrying Phelps clan?!? Red State is directed by Kevin Smith who, upon producing the documentary Small Town Gay Bar, has proved an unlikely ally to the homosexual agenda.  I think we should get into

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-16296925872917375062011-01-07T18:54:00.000-08:002011-02-03T07:29:19.363-08:00

Girls!  Girls!!In these dark times, we're only as good as the company we keep.My internet besties, Kindertrauma, have been nominated for an award.  What are you waiting for??  Vote for them! xoxo

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-13880973042962808372010-12-29T15:31:00.000-08:002010-12-29T19:53:28.742-08:00

We're at the end of a long, dark year.  As far as this years horror movie selections, we were pretty much left alone without a flashlight like that blonde girl and her little gay brother on Jurassic Park.  But just as that girl somehow found the will to get up off of her little diesel behind and run that fancy computer system to save the day, the show must go on. Strap on your snowsuits, dolls.

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-69864379891835305652010-12-20T14:37:00.000-08:002010-12-20T14:41:00.575-08:00

Hello, snow angels!  While I try to never brag, keeping the lines between my journalistic obligation to expose our rightful place in the hallowed tomes of horror history and my personal trials and tribulations as a gay working in said industry strongly defined, if you know me at all then you surely know that I have the best friends in the world!  Just in time for the holidays, one of my oldest

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-63745891239215695792010-12-06T20:24:00.000-08:002010-12-06T20:30:16.365-08:00

...and mine is going to be Amber Heard! We've been following your progress for quite some time, Amber.  But going to the GLAAD awards with your girlfriend has officially earned you the crown.  You are the greatest Scream Queen of our generation!  Congratulations, babydoll.  You have made us all proud and your grapefruit basket is in the mail. Now hurry up and come over, I need you to drive

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-21298946371863242762010-12-03T10:08:00.000-08:002011-10-19T16:37:39.455-07:00

"Everyone has to earn a living." In honor of NASA discovering a man-made life form (unquestionably harkening the eminent destruction of us all), I am pleased to announce the second best film nomination in this year's FaggotyAssAwards: Monsters!  (I added the exclamation - people don't actually shout in Monsters.)  Set a couple of years in the future (well after the NASA lake monsters have fully

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-34413835315336403982010-11-27T12:45:00.000-08:002011-10-19T16:24:18.007-07:00

In case you dolls haven't noticed, strange things are afoot in movietown.  A painful transition is afoot in which perfectly lovely movies are left rotting on the shelf while soul-crushing dreck winds up with at least three trailers and an international distribution.  Major studios don't seem to understand that we're perfectly content to stay home and watch movies streaming on our

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-42072905868289839392010-11-23T18:24:00.000-08:002010-11-23T18:32:53.157-08:00

“Timing’s everything.” Whether serving soup in a park or shopping at the local convenience store, it's not really Thanksgiving without the homeless.  One day I was leaving my CVS where I had just exchanged some change for a coke zero and dry pasta (I was between paydays), when a particularly rambunctious peasant lady asked me for some change.  I replied, "I'm sorry, I don't have any change," to

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-83356769303805015072010-11-23T11:11:00.000-08:002011-02-03T07:39:13.796-08:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-28791787279748912522010-10-28T07:25:00.000-07:002010-10-28T07:25:31.065-07:00

In honor of our second Halloween together, I give you... THE PAUL LYNDE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL. Have fun this weekend, dolls. Be careful of razorblades in your vodka and never say I didn't give you anything! xoxo

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-7028536335115769832010-10-26T09:02:00.000-07:002010-11-03T20:35:28.593-07:00

In 1987, there was a brief moment when it seemed that my single mother was going to get married to a man with a mustache and impossibly muscular arms. It was great. I suddenly found myself with a step-brother! I was seven years old, he was four. We got all dressed up to go to Salem for the festivities – he as Alf, me as a ninja assassin (Halloween being the only time it’s acceptable to wear all

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-56202389868818047252010-10-23T15:43:00.000-07:002010-10-25T07:04:46.349-07:00

"Tile floors are ass."-Kirstie Alley

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-87289650962982655432010-10-19T21:48:00.000-07:002011-02-03T08:02:50.118-08:00

Everyone get your permission slips out because we're going on a Faggotyass Field Trip! We're off to Mexico... no, just kidding (sort of), we're going to the Universal Citywalk!  It's that magical time of year when fat people and skinny people, gays and straights, dominicans and mexicans all come together to wait in line for hours to have non-union actors invade their personal space.  It's time

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-80788151997919442432010-10-15T15:01:00.000-07:002010-10-17T10:36:43.463-07:00

"Don't dream it.  Be it." Pre-teens in peril have overshadowed Halloween, this month.  I'm sorry, dolls.  I know it's gay Christmas, but rather than banter about the disproportionate fat girl to hot guy ratio in Hell Night, or an writing essay dissecting the nuances to be found in the production design of House of 1000 Corpses, I've been pondering my own growing up and coming out process.  My

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-17971906395413951692010-10-13T16:23:00.000-07:002010-10-13T16:24:54.101-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-78386299644754685802010-10-12T09:52:00.000-07:002011-02-03T07:48:43.185-08:00

"Bugs dad did some pretty messed up stuff." Wasn't coming out day a RIOT?? All those multi-colored facebook pictures crack me up! It got me in a good mood. Therefore, hot off the heels of my positive movie going experience this weekend, I am proud to present you with another edition of That Gay! A lot happens in the first ten minutes of My Soul to Take (2010); we're immediately informed that a

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-12305978227868284702010-10-11T10:13:00.000-07:002011-02-03T07:28:09.701-08:00

"What men will do to you in prison is nothing compared to what demons will do to you in hell." In honor of “National Coming Out Day,” I’m coming out in favor of Wes Craven’s My Soul to Take. Get into it.  This movie took an unjustifiable beating by critics and America proved once and for all that it has no interest in movies with ideas or tone. You see, My Soul to Take has more ideas and story

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-4132895575692473802010-10-06T17:02:00.000-07:002010-10-06T18:31:30.280-07:00

"Oh, I don't believe I've had any of this..." I don't know if you kids like those Harry Potter movies... If you do, then you probably can't stop popping klonopins like tictacs in anticipation of the penultimate installment - therefore, allow me to turn your attention to the lesser known prequel to the Harry Potter known as Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988). Once upon a time, a baby girl was 

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-6475705012916545542010-09-29T17:47:00.000-07:002011-07-14T08:52:13.667-07:00

While we should be toasting the first Birthday of Now Kindly Undo These Straps, I am interrupting our regularly scheduled gay shit for an important message. It has come to my attention that a lot of little gay pumpins have been killing themselves lately. This is not okay.  This is not amusing or fabulous.  Kids, DO NOT kill yourselves. It's not worth it. Sure, our government hates us. Yes, we

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-18358279683104410012010-09-27T09:00:00.000-07:002010-09-27T12:23:46.615-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-55452031624397097312010-09-24T13:59:00.000-07:002011-10-19T16:50:55.038-07:00

I have a lot of jobs.  I have a lot of DVDs. I have a lot of opinions.  I get distracted.  Living and working in Los Angeles, it's easy to get lost in the cavalier negativity and hearsay pervading the industry.  Everybody thinks they know the inside track, despite the fact that the rules are changing from day to day.  I stay out of it.  I'd much rather eat sheet cake in bed with my boyfriend

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-25972346662278104782010-09-22T19:18:00.000-07:002011-09-20T10:19:09.095-07:00

"You know what they can do if they can't take a joke." Imagine a movie audacious enough to open on a little girl in the Helen Keller Clinic for the Emotionally Crippled. Having been put away for dressing up like a clown while killing her stepmother, she’s now mute and having some sort of epileptic fit, sweat pouring through her best dinosaur pajamas. The doctors need to perform an emergency

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-39848564299901868102010-09-19T21:46:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:18:35.615-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-16472918111095035052010-09-11T10:55:00.000-07:002011-01-02T21:26:03.584-08:00

"Look, she's suffered some sort of memory loss..." First and foremost, let it NEVER be said that horror is not a gay man's medium.  The fake IMAX theatre in Century City was festooned with upwardly mobile homosexuals last night, hellbent on seeing the Faggotyass Best Actress of 2009 fight zombies while in her first trimester.  I was invigorated (and maybe a little drunk).  The time had finally

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-33521380409201275012010-09-09T12:19:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:13:24.617-07:00

Normally I take anything that Nikki Finke says with a grain of salt.  I can't get past the image of her eating a full box of Entenmann's powdered donuts alone with her cats with smug self-appreciation smeared across her mottled face - certain that she's done us all a service by talking shit about Renee Zellweger... But today, I tip my hat to Nikki for letting me know that A Nightmare on Elm

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-20723987212076766842010-09-02T13:20:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:19:16.305-07:00

"Hey, did you go to the shooting today?" I don't know about you, kids, but this Target nonsense has me out of sorts. I’m positively depressed. It's not Back to School season without being able to pick up a New Kids on the Block TrapperKeeper and a couple of chintzy picture frames. I don't even know where to buy socks anymore! Alas, no one ever said that being gay was easy. We must stay the

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-61033803699926793162010-09-01T18:54:00.000-07:002010-09-19T17:21:49.819-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-82562393541601569002010-08-26T16:36:00.000-07:002010-10-12T10:02:42.380-07:00

"You know what?  Let's pretend this is Buckingham Palace and you'll be Princess Di and we'll have a parade with horses..." Everybody stop what you're doing, do a twirl and throw your hats high in the air because I’m proud to announce a brand new feature here at Now Kindly Undo These Straps... That Gay! is a celebration of the dreamiest, out and about slabs of flesh in the stockyards of horror

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-20449330305288185752010-08-25T14:34:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:24:47.159-07:00

"I don't know about you girls, but Mother Nicky here is going to get herself watered." Do y'all remember that period in 1970s cinema when Jill Clayburgh was a movie star?   Movies could be greenlit on the elegant premise of a seasoned, educated woman coming to terms with her own mortality in the Upper West Side.  It was heaven. Imagine one of these Jill Clayburgh classics, sans Jill Clayburgh 

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-80241795227624735482010-08-21T10:19:00.000-07:002010-08-22T17:43:45.344-07:00

"Get the fuck out of the water, now!"-Elizabeth Shue Piranha 3 (2010) The Good.1. Piranha 3 cast Elizabeth Shue and Adam Scott as its heroes.  Get out of my head! 2.  At one point, Adam Scott wears metal, Terry Richardson style frames and I actually gasped. 3.  The Back to the Future 2 reunion of Elizabeth and Christopher Lloyd made me feel warm and fuzzy all over (even though I'm certain that

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-16577167920068894522010-08-17T15:56:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:16:40.281-07:00

'My Soul to Take'

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-44086017853046978042010-08-16T11:27:00.000-07:002011-10-19T16:58:34.694-07:00

"The only way to stop Jason is to return him to his original resting place where he drown in 1957, Crystal Lake - where his nightmare began." Good morning!  I know many of you have been wondering where I've been this past week.  Shopping for leg warmers and scrunchies? Gallivanting at a gay horror convention in Prague?   Possibly reenacting scenes from The Silence of the Lambs at Clive Barker's

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-81537389607953274652010-08-05T10:57:00.000-07:002010-08-05T11:16:42.992-07:00

"Sunday's my birthday and I don't want to go to the mental hospital!" Before there was Inception, there was Slumber Party Masscre II (1987).  The dream is real.

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-51363759385035934102010-08-04T16:35:00.000-07:002010-08-04T16:44:31.377-07:00

"Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite sex couples are superior to same-sex couples..." Happy day, dolls.  When the ashes clear and the stays have been granted, today may be a day to go

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-44139056110175932962010-08-04T13:31:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:18:03.651-07:00

"He probably went out for a hamburger or a chicken dinner...you know how men are when they're alone." Since the ancient Greeks wrote about Medea, it has been a well chronicled fact that actresses are monsters*. We all know Gwenyth Paltrow is a bloody nightmare, but did you know that even lesser known, D-list actresses can fall prey to the trappings of stardom? Take, for instance, Tasha Yar

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-25630855764730317322010-08-03T17:49:00.000-07:002010-08-03T21:16:22.830-07:00

"Come on in." When a movie came along  that focused on a clatch of hipsters in the process of editing a documentary about ballet (which I love almost as much as I love scary movies) and promised to be a fright-fest, I was intrigued.  I love stories about people leaving the cozy confines of Manhattan only to wind up realizing that the rest of America is a terrifying, monstrous place. When said

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-49661895957575753092010-08-02T16:27:00.000-07:002011-09-20T10:19:37.597-07:00

"BB!" In case you haven't picked up the common threads in our continuing exporation of the horror genre, let me spell one thing out for you in plain english:  Being an only child with a single mom was the it-shit for gay kids growing up in the 1980s. The hours spent alone while mom was at work was perfect for letting our fancies run free.  For me, happiness could be found in my well worn

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-43955704559140517352010-07-16T14:51:00.000-07:002010-07-16T14:52:58.756-07:00

It's really that good.

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-45831860989244803722010-07-13T18:38:00.000-07:002011-10-19T17:41:51.888-07:00

"I'm exactly where I want to be and I'm doing fine." Oh my gosh, y'all. Tonight I was gathering my business from the back seat of my Honda Passport when out popped a pair of white briefs that I had been keeping there in case of an emergency.  Oops.  Staring at those underpants lying there helplessly on the grey concrete, all I could think was, "Slut."  Then I nearly doubled over - I was having a

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-42746691503887614942010-07-12T11:46:00.000-07:002010-07-12T12:22:33.216-07:00

I can think of at least four more interesting iterations on the "we're hardened prisoners trapped on a planet to fight our way off" cliche that's currently boring audiences across the nation in Predators (2010). 4.  Cube (1997) (in which a bunch of mysanthropic strangers find themselves trapped in some sort of science fiction/horror trap someplace in Canada) 3. Battle Royale (2000) (in which a

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-43281008594427710432010-07-07T22:04:00.000-07:002010-07-12T18:08:51.786-07:00

Movies this year have kinda blown, huh?  Couple that with the fact that it takes a lot of outside time to get my hair just the right color this time of year and we've got a slow going month for gay horror.  Sorry. I'm going to San Francisco to see Wicked this weekend because I just love those singing witches (sue me). Stay tuned for more bloody fun next week!  Same bat time,

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-49779529419501452832010-07-02T09:46:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:25:47.121-07:00

I have fevered and festered over a dissertation on the works of M Night Shyamalan.  There were drafts covering everything from studio politics at Disney to the recurring motifs in Shyamalan's often redundant twist endings.  I experimented with a shot by shot exploration of his specific choices in DPs (always the best in town) for each project.  Along the way I realized something I never

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-52852167248002009452010-07-01T09:34:00.000-07:002010-07-01T14:35:37.172-07:00

I do try to make a concerted effort never to speak ill of those less fortunate. Far be it for me to spread wicked gossip.  However, when New Line went under, its franchises were all left in purgatory.   Subsequently, we get another Final Destination movie next year. I didn't see that last one (THE Final Destination came out the same weekend as Halloween 2 - Sophie made her choice), but I never

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-2443989079528055662010-06-26T18:25:00.000-07:002010-06-26T18:27:40.813-07:00

Stay classy this weekend, dolls. Be respectful of your elders. Wear sunblock. xoxo

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-49625684432639594102010-06-24T17:27:00.000-07:002010-08-16T08:53:43.421-07:00

"You know I saved you a lot of embarassment by not balling you out in front of the other kids." I'm going to confess something.  Maybe you should sit down. I've never been camping. I know.  Shocking.  I learned enough about the outdoors from my movies.  Had I been privileged to one of those childhoods with two parents who eagerly passed me off to complete strangers in the unprotected

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-26490177149221822092010-06-23T13:26:00.000-07:002010-06-23T13:26:09.433-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-81326585389405961732010-06-22T16:23:00.000-07:002011-09-20T10:04:50.258-07:00

"There's a door down here and I'll bet there's something behind it." Yesterday was the longest day of the year.  How did you celebrate?  I, for one, wore my best straw hat.  If you haven't already, I strongly advise you to take a day off.  Call in sick and go enjoy yourself.   Life's too short for sitting at a computer! I remember those sultry days of youth like they were yesterday; sneaking

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-75844665977645777162010-06-17T12:58:00.000-07:002010-06-20T22:21:43.806-07:00

Hello lambs. Have you dropped by in dismay - finding the format all jinky and the post all tired and recycled?  Well, calm down.  I'm not going anyplace.  Like a gawky preteen at JCC summercamp, I'm experimenting with different servers.  Now Kindly Undo These Straps will always be here just like Amy Steel will always be my favorite lesbian final girl. xoxo

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-6030255956045766452010-06-14T15:31:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:42:05.292-07:00

"This barcalounger's gonna kick your ass, boy." I have been working for a movie studio for a while now – the competitive benefits package has kept me here longer than I’d even care to admit. I’ve seen, firsthand, the cavalier regard that goes into the development process. I’ve seen money spent and cameras roll without a script even written. I’ve fetched coffee for Joan Rivers. I’ve seen the

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-69587604710831665882010-06-08T19:06:00.000-07:002010-07-01T12:28:17.078-07:00

Today is election day here in California and I'm going to ask you to do your part in the betterment of America by going to see Splice. Splice is the greatest thing to come out of Canada since hockey and David Cronenberg. It's smart. It's scary. It has more ideas than it even knows how to wrap inside a three-act structure. Both science fiction and horror, Splice explores the terror inherently

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-92069197895356966872010-06-07T10:59:00.000-07:002010-06-08T21:43:12.570-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-72866408014016733102010-06-03T10:38:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:43:23.083-07:00

Poor Emily Blunt.  She's pretty.  She's a lovely actress.  She's obviously a riot at a party.  Ostensibly, she has done nothing wrong.  But even Emily Blunt can't overcome a shipwreck of bloated, arrogant actors phoning in performances to buy scotch and cigars.  No matter how many frocks and bustles she adorns with the emotive power of her bosom, Emily can't act her way out of a crock pot of

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-1644262761628235762010-06-01T10:14:00.000-07:002010-06-01T10:23:35.896-07:00

What do you get when you puree the director of Event Horizon (using the camera from Avatar) alongside the best actress of 2009, Milla Jovovovich (who, despite my assumptions over the past fifteen years, is not actually of foreign descent), and a homosexual with prematurely grey hair holding a gun and a flashlight?  Art.

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-15309446679500417142010-05-22T00:26:00.000-07:002010-05-23T17:35:51.741-07:00

I did not understand that Return of the Living Dead Part II (1987) was meant to be a comedy. I watched it at my neighbor's house on pay-per-view (back when you had to call the cable company). It terrified me. In the months that followed, I would sneak into my neighbor's backyard pretending to be Suzanne Snyder - screaming and running from imaginary zombies coming at me from all directions. Gay.

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-50053946580972551252010-05-21T11:01:00.000-07:002010-09-20T11:01:06.998-07:00

"Stop looking at me you fucking cat!" I found an old Matthew Sweet CD under my bed last week along with a bottle of CKone and it's made me downright nostalgic.  This time of year, as the weather gets warmer and the days grow longer, has me longing for the simple pleasures of high school! Picture it:  shaggy hair tucked behind my ear, converse shoes and perfectly weathered khakis.  The first

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-90050619805470121132010-05-18T13:12:00.000-07:002010-05-18T14:11:55.002-07:00

Let it never be said that Miss Margot Kidder is not versatile.  Watch The Amityville Horror (1979) and you'll see an actress boldly exploring the entire gamut of human emotions! She gives us Sensuality: Anguish: Elation: Mild Concern: Bewilderment: Telephone Distress Realness: Terror: And, most importantly, Driving Concentration:

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-2606047258233646032010-05-12T09:42:00.000-07:002010-06-03T19:44:38.135-07:00

"Everyone has an opinion.  As long as they keep renting the movies I couldn't care less."                                                 -David DeCoteau For anyone who has the audacity to suggest that horror movies are not consumed as ravenously by the gay community as a broiled chicken breast buffet at a Fire Island barbeque, then I ask you to turn your attention to the work of David DeCoteau.

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-33415076159122774822010-05-07T10:15:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:44:35.226-07:00

"I have silver bullets in here." Lately, I find myself growing increasingly weary of Los Angeles. Any day now, I'm sure that I'll wind up running around naked in some Mexican's backyard in Fresno waiting for the aliens to come and take me home. I’m just sick to death of these fratty, trust-fund kids-turned-executives with their endless, meandering “notes.” They’re all dating teenagers who can

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-15107288569496096642010-05-04T19:51:00.000-07:002010-05-05T23:22:16.897-07:00

A few thoughts upon watching The Human Centipede (2010): Tony Soprano is gonna be wicked pissed when he hears about what this nazi is doing to Meadow. I can appreciate the lack of jump scares and tension that this movie has going for it.  I do not, however, understand the point.  Why are we watching this?  What's gained?  As a trailer, The Human Centipede is a riot - it does not play as a

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-65551044958714657212010-05-04T00:23:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:45:27.803-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-15365041564941130372010-04-30T13:42:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:41:00.585-07:00

"I'm gonna split you in two." Tina is having a bad dream. It's late.  She's blonde. She's alone in a rickety Venice Beach alleyway, wearing nothing but a neglligee and trapped with the object of her dread, a horribly disfigured man with knives for fingers.  “Shit."  That's all she says.  The moment is simple, comically authentic and yet so frightening in context, that I had no choice but to fall

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-11869487569415475892010-04-27T15:50:00.000-07:002010-04-27T16:03:48.369-07:00

"The official reason I didn’t do Hannibal is I was doing another movie, Flora Plum. So I get to say, in a nice dignified way, that I wasn’t available when that movie was being shot...Clarice meant so much to Jonathan and I, she really did, and I know it sounds kind of strange to say but there was no way that either of us could really trample on her."

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-76035320991495873102010-04-21T11:43:00.000-07:002010-04-21T12:50:49.089-07:00

"My mother told me never to do this." In high school, I read a lot of books about serial killers.  It was the era of Jeffrey Dahlmer and his penchant for oversized frames and fitted velour shirts worried me.  I knew that, were I of Latin descent and had I only been living in Wisconsin instead of Boston and if I was of age, I surely would have been stapled to some floor and left to rot in a vat

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-36373156724532938382010-04-19T12:58:00.000-07:002010-04-20T16:14:33.712-07:00

I want to talk about Amber Heard for a minute. First of all, she had to pretend to be dating that gay boy from The Stepfather.  This happens a lot to girls who are sickhot - straight guys are scared to talk to them and other girls automatically assume disdain so they're left with nothing but their gay besties.  This doesn't help her personal life.  It's beginning to finally take a toll on poor

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-85275557673126805542010-04-18T00:34:00.000-07:002010-04-18T00:55:21.083-07:00

"I wouldn't bother to kill you except I'm so looking forward to every ounce of blood seeping out of your wretched body." I'm only six minutes into Curtains (1983) and already a classically-trained theatre actress has pointed a gun into the camera and been restrained in a straight-jacket after assaulting a man with a letter opener.  I haven't even gotten to demonic dolls and sickle-wielding,

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-78666013090102723462010-04-12T17:29:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:40:07.811-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-29602676787990341072010-04-09T16:25:00.000-07:002010-04-12T12:13:27.420-07:00

"Enjoy the little things." I can be a stubborn monkey. I don’t moisturize my face. I always use my turn signal, even in parking lots. I have never seen Wedding Crashers or The Hangover and I never will. I don’t need to see fat guys with impossibly skinny wives. I have no desire to be the butt of countless gay-panic jokes (I get enough of that in my bedroom, thank you very much). I have a

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-82898172690526798852010-04-05T13:23:00.000-07:002010-04-05T13:27:58.602-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-65631701586116309102010-03-31T15:43:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:46:11.467-07:00

"Mind over matter." After a brief stint in juvie hall, the next foray into the world of  Elm Street would take us out of the asylum and back to the 'burbs. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988) finds Kristen Parker and her vodka-infused mom living amongst the common people of Springwood, Ohio. She’s got a groovy boyfriend, Rick, who is a master of karate and thrift-store shopping

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-21041861661635631192010-03-30T23:10:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:46:48.667-07:00

"It is an abomination to God and to man." Growing up in the breathless heights of domestic horror distribution was a glorious thing. My mother was always working, leaving me to my own devices for days on end. One time Mary tried to get me involved with the local church youth group to ease her guilt. They gave me a butter cookie and took me on a tour of the grounds.  It was too perfect with the

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-17565047817590299032010-03-26T14:18:00.000-07:002010-03-26T14:18:01.046-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-63927200613514908392010-03-25T13:17:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:47:20.650-07:00

"Lately we’re just sort of edited for television." After a decade-long onslaught of mass-horror-consumption, America seemed to have had its fill. By the early nineties, audiences were far more interested in psycho-sexual thrillers than they were in hacking and slashing maniacs. From serial killing, pre-teen transvestites to telekinetic camp counselors, we’d seen it all. Nothing could shock us.

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-56062651840215686772010-03-24T17:04:00.000-07:002010-03-24T17:05:01.840-07:00

It's been a week!  I have something delicious planned for you tomorrow.  Until then, here's a couple pictures of Chris Evans. The great thing about pictures is that you can use your imagination... like Reading Rainbow, only without all the reading!

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-11388603776888339602010-03-16T18:30:00.000-07:002010-03-21T19:04:00.630-07:00

"I'm used to her folderol." You know, it was hard to be around Gwyneth Paltrow in the late 1990s. She was battling an eating disorder that left her hair patchy and her skin perpetually grey. As far as finding love, she'd be the first to tell you that nothing ever seemed to work in her favor.  Men were thrown by her whiney nasal voice and abrasive sense of entitlement. Gwyneth was an affront to

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-54611374089168448722010-03-13T16:37:00.000-08:002010-09-20T09:48:47.774-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-77974393122505164942010-03-10T12:04:00.000-08:002010-03-21T19:11:11.645-07:00

"Take off your makeup, you look like a slut." Anyone who knows me will tell you that no Sunday at my house is complete without enjoying a Mark Wahlberg film. This Sunday, I was sitting back with my coffee and stuffed dog, Mariah, when along came something remarkably uncharacteristic of my Mark Wahlberg stories. A gay! The 1990s was a murky period for visibility of the gay man. You couldn’t

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-49555694055860411932010-03-07T12:57:00.000-08:002010-03-07T13:07:03.860-08:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-30489162444874040542010-03-04T10:32:00.000-08:002010-09-23T09:07:24.439-07:00

"I'm pre-med.  I know about these things." I don't know about you, but this has been a lousy week.  I could really use a retreat, a Saturday in the country.  I was thinking this would be the perfect weekend to take my 1978 Camaro to the lake house and swim out to the raft. Of course, all my plans were halted once I remembered Creepshow 2 (1987).  It doesn't matter how cute your boyfriend looks

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-50985473588836555552010-03-02T19:59:00.000-08:002010-03-12T15:34:08.451-08:00

"The events portrayed in this film are all true.  The names are real names of real people and real organizations." Last week, while I was pawing over Children of the Corn for stills of shirtless boys making gay face, something stuck in my head.  That boy with the smeared blood on his chest looked familiar and not in the way that all tall, pale, skinny brunettes are familiarly my favorite

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-23606636582816795772010-03-01T10:01:00.000-08:002010-03-25T20:17:02.537-07:00

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-91215643582097112952010-02-26T22:40:00.000-08:002010-03-10T21:28:21.726-08:00

"I'm a sheriff.  She's a doctor." I love when angular Los Angeles/Aussie actors dress up like small town, Iowa hicks with hearts of gold. I love Timothy Olyphant and his impossibly long torso. I kind of love The Crazies remake.  There's no gay subtext or male nudity to speak of.  It never goes out of its way to be subversive.  It is an example of how enjoyable a horror movie can be when you take

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-53300867239779536312010-02-24T20:56:00.000-08:002010-09-20T09:51:34.573-07:00

"Go forth, you, and bring me the husband!" I am one of those funny bunnies who have only lived in or immediate to major cities (Boston, NYC, and Los Angeles, respectively). Thanks to Stephen King, however, I never need to leave my urban bubble to know all about our great nation. For instance, I know that Colorado is a state where people get snowed-in and go crazy, chasing their families through

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-60147842446349299832010-02-18T14:38:00.000-08:002010-09-20T09:50:35.584-07:00

"You care more about that car than you care about me." I'm going to tell you a story about love.  High school love.  Once upon a time, Dennis and Arnold were best friends.  Dennis was super popular and athletic and everyone loved him.  Arnold was mysanthropic and clumsy.  Outside of his relationship with Dennis, his only friend was his dominating mother and she was a hateful shrew at best. 

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-54273172247933744552010-02-16T17:02:00.000-08:002010-03-21T19:54:43.780-07:00

"No women in the mine!" Congratulations, kids.  Another Valentine’s day came and went and we’re all still here. I, for one, adore the holiday. Valentine's day is my own personal new year's eve upon which the rest of my year hinges. I love a handmade card and a Whitman’s sampler. I love decoupaged hearts in pink and red atop paper lace doilies. Years may pass, but still nothing says “I care” like

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-7938615837605698922010-02-12T17:16:00.000-08:002011-10-19T18:11:52.018-07:00

This weekend, let's all pretend that Gary Marshall's Valentine's Day is a bait and switch remake of Happy Birthday to Me in which Sydney Bristow and Jessica Biel go on an estrogen fueled killing spree.  They kill the shit out of people for ninety minutes, then they get drunk on red wine while Julia Roberts disembodied head lies watching over the empty place settings formerly reserved for everyone

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-89682102790178224092010-02-07T01:22:00.000-08:002011-10-19T18:35:25.427-07:00

Has your best friend ever dated a girl that you can't stand so you wind up seeing him less than you normally would just to avoid her ugly sweaters and ill-conditioned tips?  You know very well that, despite what you tell your other friends, she's not actually retarded, so she can tell you hate her.  But it's not like you're gay for your bestie and so you just leave it be; you don't even launch

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-50183329762868215432010-02-02T20:00:00.000-08:002010-09-20T13:21:15.204-07:00

When I was a little boy, I refused to go anywhere without my Hardy Boys coloring book. I was also unreasonably fixated on Dynasty reruns in my adolescence. One day my mother walked in on my stories and justified my obsession by explaining that "All the boys love Fallon."

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-776970105851655829.post-62565063598115077572010-01-28T13:24:00.000-08:002010-03-17T10:26:30.885-07:00

What do... these couples... all have in common??? Invariably, one of them will die a horrible death leaving the other irrevocably broken hearted and empty for the rest of their days on earth!!! We're on to you, Nicholas Sparks.  Fool me once, shame on me - fool me twice, shame on you!  We will not be fooled or die silent deaths any more.

jeffreygmmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09837513527043475977noreply@blogger.com0